How can sexual behaviour be socialized in males. Are males who commit sexual assault are “hyper-masculine”? Why and where do men learn “hyper-masculine” behaviour?
Statistically, men are far more likely than women to commit sexual assault, and an influencing factor on this is the way they are raised. Males are often taught to be strong, aggressive, assertive, and dominant. Conversely, women are taught to be passive, friendly, dependent, and submissive. Men who are raised with these expectations will often become hyper-masculine. Hyper-masculinity emphasizes the stereotypical male personality traits like aggression, emotional absence, physical strength, loose sexual morals, and hyper-masculine men will often view violence and danger as manly and exciting and they will have a callous and disrespectful attitude towards women. Men who commit sexual assault are hyper-masculine by definition. They often believe that they are simply taking what they are owed, because they believe that women are there for their sexual pleasure. Sexual assault is not uncommon, with about 20% women having experienced sexual assault, so this suggests that a huge proportion of men exhibit hyper-masculine behaviour. It is obvious that most parents don’t decide to raise their boys with the hope of them becoming sexual assaulters, so why do so many men become sexual assaulters?
The article “The Conversation You Must Have With Your Sons” suggests a reason. Many parents don’t have a conversation with their sons about what constitutes rape and why it is not okay. They often don’t have a conversation about the way sex is used as a male status symbol, and can be shameful for females, and they don’t explain why sex shouldn’t be viewed this way. It’s awkward, and parents never want to face that their children could grow up to hurt others, but it’s clear that many do. Often these kinds of conversations are had with daughters, but parents will unintentionally reinforce the beliefs that can lead to sexual assault. Parents warn their daughters to be careful and try to keep them safe by giving them advice on how to look and act, unknowingly reinforcing the victim-blaming attitude that many people hold and the shameful nature of sex to women.
These views that women need to make it their responsibility to not become a victim of sexual assault are coming from a place of love, wanting their children to be safe. But in the end, it is simply strengthening the culture around sexual assault that causes women to feel shame and blame themselves, and it reinforces the idea that women should be more passive, and try to avoid standing out.
Parents who teach their daughters to protect themselves are hardly going to stop; there will still be men out there who will seek to take advantage of them. So how can parents affect the safety of their daughters in a non-harmful way?
Why do we place blame on the females for being raped, rather than making the men who are raping them take full responsibility? No one is trying to raise a son who will be capable of committing a sexual offense, yet it does still happen. So how can parents reinforce a healthy sexual attitude in their sons, rather than putting responsibility on and creating a shameful attitude in their daughters?
Rather than having the “don’t get raped” conversation with girls, teach them that sex is not shameful and that their enjoyment is what is important, and that their consent is something that should be respected by others. Teach girls that they should not judge men by their sexual experience, that men should also not be judged for their sexual experience, and that male consent is just as important as female consent. Rather than having the “don’t get raped” conversation with girls, we should be having the “don’t be a rapist” conversation with boys. We should teach them that it is absolutely unacceptable to force themselves on others. Teach them what constitutes consent, and how important it is to listen to it. Reinforce in their minds that shaming women for having sex is not okay, that women are not sexual objects and should be respected, and that sexual experience should not determine their self-worth. Let boys know that the same thing can happen to them, that they can be sexually assaulted by women, and that they should not be ashamed by that either. We need to take the blame off of the victims and start putting it on the perpetrators.
This article by The Globe and Mail points out that colleges and universities are the setting of far too many sexual assaults. Young people are away from the supervision of their family, are often without many friends to rely on, and exposed to large amounts of drugs, alcohol, and partying. Men will often take advantage of women who have had too much to drink, purposely get them drunk, or even drug them in order to sexually assault them. A study done by a scientist at the Women’s College Hospital found that over 64% of victims of sexual assault had been intoxicated in some form.
Colleges and universities have taken extensive measures to try and reduce sexual assault on campus. However, as has been pointed out by the author of a Queen’s newspaper article, these measures have put responsibility on those who would be targeted. The emergency lights that should be pressed in dangerous situations, the services that offer to walk people back to their dorms at night. There no measures being taken that target the source of the problem: those who wish to sexually assault others. Colleges and universities are trying to solve a problem without focusing on the cause of it. Sexual assaults are not caused by women walking home alone, they are not the result of having no way to find help. Sexual assaults are caused by sexual assaulters. Women can’t stop themselves from being sexually assaulted, but men can stop themselves from sexually assaulting.
We see victim-blaming all the time, it has become so normal that victims will often begin to think that way to. Women are taught to be careful about what they wear, how they act, and to always be cautious around men; so much so that many women will blame themselves for drawing the unwanted attention of men.
The harassment of women due to their clothing and appearance is far too normalized. This can be clearly shown by this Times article about young, school-aged girls who report being catcalled and fetishized because of their school-mandated uniforms. When did it become normal for grown men to sexualize young girls? However, many women are used to this treatment, they accept that they will be judged for what they are wearing, by both men and other women. We tell women that it is their responsibility to dress in a way that won’t attract attention, and we allow men to think that women who dress a certain way are “asking for it.”
Sexual assault is a result of the socialization of men, and preventative measures that don’t focus on the victim need to be taken. If we continue to place responsibility in the hands of the victims of sexual assault, it will never get better. The trauma for victims of sexual assault becomes worse when they feel that it was up to them to do something differently, when really, people who commit sexual assault are never warranted in their actions, however they may have perceived the situation. Boys need to be taught how to treat women and how to have a positive and healthy attitude regarding sex, rather than parents assuming they already know. Our problem lies in the way we push gender stereotypes on children, strengthening the characteristics that we expect in in them. We teach men to behave in a “manly” way, and we teach women that they will often be treated as less than men.
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